All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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