life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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