ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
