final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
