my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
