She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
