Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
