I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pappa wants mamma naked
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
