Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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