Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
