life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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