I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
