im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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