Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
