I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
