my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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