Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
