I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
