i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
