you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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