She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
