yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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