If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
