i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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