he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
