Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
