theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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