I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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