well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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