apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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