Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
