Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
