He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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