ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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