You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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