I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
