He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
