I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
