You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
