i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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