i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
