I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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