1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
