we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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