so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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