so that wasnt chicken after all
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
