Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
