The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
