Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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