my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
