Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
